Succeeding in Life: Who Do You Need to Be?
When I first meet with a new client, I ask what brought them to coaching. They usually respond with a “want” in their life. Some common ones are:
“I want to get promoted at work.”
“I want to increase my salary.”
“I want to improve my work relationships with colleagues.”
Their goals are admirable, and I’m always impressed by their willingness to invest their time and energy into accomplishing them.
However, the approach they are using to achieve their objective is not the most effective. Why? Because it’s leaving out the most important part of the equation.
Their thought process is:
“I want to have X. What do I need to do to make that happen?”
I call this the “Have. Do.” technique.
This line of thinking places too much emphasis on the “result” side of the equation. It causes people to put all their mental and emotional energy into achieving the result - attaining what they want and sometimes grasping at it. This singular focus can make them obsessive and push their goals further away.
Fortunately, there is a better way. I call it the “Be. Do. Have” method. It involves asking yourself three simple questions:
“What do I want to have?”
“What does a person do to get that?”
“What type of person does those things?”
Put simply, if you want to succeed in life, you should start by asking yourself what type of person you need to become. What type of person does the things you need to do to achieve your goal?
In other words, begin with your identity. The results will follow.
If you want to build better relationships with your work colleagues, but think of yourself as an inherently unsociable or insignificant person, you are going to struggle to create meaningful connections. You are going to think of every conversation as an obstacle you need to overcome.
However, if you begin thinking of yourself as a well-liked individual who provides value to the team, you’ll find it a lot easier to build relationships and contribute to conversations. The steps you need to take to develop connections will no longer feel forced. They will come naturally.
After a while, your new mentality will lead to results. You’ll develop better relationships.
Similarly, if you want to become a strategic leader, but still think of yourself as an operational doer, your road to a promotion will probably be quite tough. However, if you begin thinking and acting like a leader, it won’t be long before you’re moving up the career ladder.
So, what type of person do you need to become to achieve your dreams?
If you would like some help figuring out the answer to that question or implementing the “Be. Do. Have.” technique, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I am here to help you succeed!
About The Author
Emily Sander is an ICF-certified leadership coach with more than 15 years of experience in the business world and the author of Hacking Executive Leadership. She’s been featured in several print publications, online articles, and podcasts, including CEO Today Magazine, Leading to Fulfillment, and Leadership Powered by Common Sense.
Emily has a passion for helping business leaders reach their full potential. Go here to read her story from seasoned executive to knowledgeable coach. If you want to send Emily a quick message, then visit her contact page here.