Venting vs Gossiping: How You Can Tell the Difference
“What is necessary is never unwise.” - Spock’s Dad (Star Trek)
Venting is normal. We all do it. When we’re frustrated and feel like we’re in a pressure cooker, it’s generally a good thing to let off steam in a safe place, rather than exploding in a way we’ll regret later.
When carried out effectively, venting can be a healthy way to deal with strong emotions. It can help people bond. It can make employees feel more comfortable in the office and improve a team’s dynamics.
Gossiping, on the other hand, is a lot less helpful. It causes conflicts. It harms reputations. It can lead to accusations of bullying and even resignations.
So, how can we tell the difference between venting and workplace gossip?
In general, venting becomes gossiping when one of the following three things happens:
It Becomes a Recruitment Effort
Discussing a problem with someone in an effort to get some frustration off your chest is one thing. There’s nothing wrong with letting off a little steam and expressing some strong emotions. You can even let some expletives fly along the way.
However, the moment you start plotting and recruiting is when your actions become unacceptable. Talking with a third party with malicious intent to try and convince them to undermine another person is a different thing entirely.
It’s gossip, plain and simple.
It Doesn’t Try to Resolve a Problem
When an issue arises and a coworker struggles to overcome it, it can be very tempting to gossip about their failure:
“Did you see Maria bombed her presentation? She totally froze during the Q&A. It was so bad.”
“I heard Steve’s sales numbers have been in the toilet lately. Guess we’ll have an open spot on the sales team soon!”
These types of comments make no effort to resolve the specific situation. They merely revel in it.
If you want to deal with a colleague’s failure in a more productive way, ask yourself how you can help.
“Maria didn’t do so well a the last Q&A. Maybe I can share a LinkedIn learning course that had some good advice in it on speaking extemporaneously and ask her if she wants to do some practice runs.”
“Steve’s sales haven’t been great lately. Let me see if I can help him put together a more effective demo deck.”
Put simply, if you aren’t willing to help, you have no business talking about someone else’s work problems. To think about it another way, pretend you can talk about someone behind their back, but only to the extent you’re willing to roll up your sleeves and help solve the problem you’re describing.
It Contains False or Misleading Claims
Make no mistake. Your words are powerful. They can build people up. They can inspire others to achieve amazing things.
They can also tear people down. They can cause a lot of harm. Lies and false accusations can destroy reputations.
This is workplace gossip at its worst. When you engage in it, you become a thief. You’re stealing another person’s (often hard earned) good reputation.
These lies are often called the “sin of gossip.” If you consider yourself a good person, don’t do it.
How to Stop Yourself Engaging in Workplace Gossip
If you find yourself engaging in a lot of gossip at work, try to make a conscious effort to stop as soon as possible. Start by following this simple advice:
Talk to the right people, about the right things, at the right times. Read that again and apply judgement.
Ensure everything you discuss is necessary for your sanity and will help you better focus on your job.
Act with integrity at all times. Don’t lie, no matter how small or inconsequential you think it may be.
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About The Author
Emily Sander is an ICF-certified leadership coach with more than 15 years of experience in the business world and the author of Hacking Executive Leadership. She’s been featured in several print publications, online articles, and podcasts, including CEO Today Magazine, Leading to Fulfillment, and Leadership Powered by Common Sense.
Emily has a passion for helping business leaders reach their full potential. Go here to read her story from seasoned executive to knowledgeable coach. If you want to send Emily a quick message, then visit her contact page here.